I want to write about my vacation and not miss a detail. But who has time for that? Here are the highlights:

Actual photo from this moment. Video is on Insta and FB.

I ended up at a spiritual retreat called “The Power of the Sun Within Me” scheduled over summer solstice, with a focus on the energy of Apollo.

I had a healing. Not your average release-a-block, heal-from-your-grieving experience situation. I had a life changing awakening. It started with a lymph clearing, ayurvedic massage where a root chakra attachment was released. Something old and woven into my existence. My system woke up. The healer was a Greek man, Filippos (https://theartofawake.com/en), who holds the energy of Tibetan monks and ancient Greek wisdom and androgynous polarity while still being masculine and grounded. Currents of energy ran from his hands into my body and it’s as if my eyes opened, but they are new eyes.

Usually, I don’t talk about my personal healing. My life is about healing others, and I work hard to stay clear. As soon as I have work done, I am back to seeing clients. But if I offered a buffet of energy before, I am now bringing the whole restaurant. My system regulated from grief into life. I clearly saw that I was reborn into the person I am now. It was emotional, difficult, but also freeing. I let go of so much in a few hours.

It was the beginning of an integrative few days. The retreat host, Andriani, held space for our Solstice experience, meditations, and the integration of Apollonian energy. I felt like the odd person, not knowing anything about Greek Gods, or as I was told: The Olympians whose history is more than 2800 years old. Apollo is about truth, healing, harmony, prophecy, and music. He was the primary deity of the Delphic oracle.

You may know that I am very careful about psychic connections. I do not simply allow a new energy to drop into my being. During the English meditations Andriana had recorded for me, I was able to check Lights, work with my guides and receive. After meditations, we would go to the Sea and integrate with the sun and water. It was magical.

The whole reason I ended up in Greece was because of Polyxeni, my dear friend and (now) travel buddy. We call her PollyHeart, or PH. She taught a drawing class, and I drew a couple of angels among other things. However, upon further examination, they looked like a couple of really happy people. I’ll leave interpretation open on that one, but we could all see the colored-pencil-Art-of-Manifesting writing on that wall.

I had a very significant conversation with Bobby. Near sunset, on the last day of the retreat, thousands of light diamonds sparkled over the water creating a mystical scene. Seagulls and children playing became distant as I walked to the sea. A surreal vision danced in front of me. I have seen many sunsets, the sun stretching an arm of light over the water as if it’s only for you. This one was brighter, with an energy that pulled me into another dimension. I heard my husband say, “Those diamonds are for you”, referring to a conversation between us from life. My eyes filled with tears while I stood on hard sand, feeling him. Feeling our love and what we shared. He thanked me for coming to Greece—for both of us. I laughed, our bucket list trip was happening, and I did bring him with me, he is always with me. Then he said, “I think I will stay here.”

“No. No, you can’t stay here.” Tears rolled down my face. He wouldn’t just leave me like this, would he? There was a pulling from my chest, slight and warm. I noticed the sky, so expansive, touching low mountains to the right and stretching out to the Mediterranean on the left. Diamond still danced on the water, but my focus had zoomed out. I was mildly panicking, still saying, “No.”

Bobby loved the sun more than anyone I have ever met. He dreamed of walking on beaches in Greece. He loved history. Ancient battles and tales of conquerors. Where else would he love to be? I didn’t mark the moment with ceremony. I didn’t pick up a shell or touch the water in gratitude. I waited until the emotion settled then walked back to my group feeling devastated.

Part of my new Greek family!

Olympia, one of my new soul sisters, asked, “What is wrong? Your face if sad.” She barely speaks English and I was surprised.

“Nothing.” I should have hidden it better, but you know what they say about people in glass faces.

Others gathered and I shared. Maybe it wasn’t Bobby. Maybe he will still be with me when I get back to the house I call his, by the lake he loved, where he used to park his boat.

A week later and guess what? He’s not here. I checked under the beds and everything. If I ask a question, he answers, we are still psychically connected, but his presence is missing. My husband moved to Greece.

I had to release many things to make room for the integrations coming into my energy fields over those four days. One of them may have been my attachment to him. My desire to live every day with as much of him as I can muster. I wanted more than his shirts and sheets, his photos and voice memos. I wanted his arms and the feel of his chest under my cheek. I wanted his encouragement and support. Some of those things remain, but they’re different. I am different. He didn’t abandon me, he waited until I was ready to walk into a new aspect of myself. He waited until I freed him.

Please follow and like us: