I Don’t Know…

Recently, I was invited to host a group of women through a church in Denver. The amazing Ashley Seaman, minister of North Highland Presbyterian, and her friend Caroline Fisher and I talked about possibilities. The energy generated during our conversation took root and our first meeting happened June 24, 2012.

It was an amazing experience. Twenty-one women, of all colors, shapes, sizes, beliefs and vocations, gathered with spirituality in mind. We had the idea to make introductions by stating our name and something we would like to explain about ourselves. I assumed people would say I am a mother, social worker, spiritual seeker or something like that. After their statement, we all would reply, “I witness you.” Caroline led this part, and it morphed into people giving a word, or two. The words that came, (And we were happy to witness!) were: hope, divine mother, puppies (<3), peace & love, compassion, healer, THE GAZE (oohhhh, Ashley!), kindness, self-gentleness, pilgrim, protector and more. After each, we all said, “I witness you.”

When it was Jane’s turn to speak, she stumbled over her words. She tried, but couldn’t find one word to describe herself and be witnessed. She said, “I don’t know, I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what word, I just don’t know…” tears welled up in her eyes. We tried to help, each of us thinking or saying something we saw in her. Creative, releasing, healing, love, many words were whispered but I felt, suddenly, that I must stop everyone, including myself. “Wait!” I called out, “wait, there’s a word here… surrender? No, it’s, it’s… oh my gosh! Her words! The words are exactly as she said ‘I don’t know’… her words are I don’t know!” I felt excited, I felt that inspiration feeling and the energy that comes with it when Spirit is speaking through me and I want so much for everyone to understand.

I told this story: Once (as I remember it) a client came for a reading. Ellen is a beautiful woman; striking, with long blonde hair that is nearly an elegant gray which she twists into a knot at the back of her head. Her blue eyes look into a person and she speaks softly, as if she is listening at the same time. Ellen is an amazing healer; she works with muscles and energy. Spirit came through to speak to her about her work during our reading, they gave her an example, they said, “A man calls for an appointment. He tells you that he has cancer. When he arrives, he is limping on a crutch, his leg is twisted and he is in obvious pain. What should you do?”

Ellen thinks for a moment, and then she replies carefully, considering what can be done, for his cancer, his leg, his excruciating pain.

Spirit stops her, “Why would you do these things?”

She states the obvious answer (at least I think so, as I am listening), “To help him, to ease his pain, to offer healing.”

“But why”, Spirit asks, “When he has not asked for these things?”

Realization awakens both of us, me, as the channel, in my quiet mental reverie and for Ellen as she says, “Oooohhhhhh!”

They continue, “One of the most important statements a person can make is, ‘I don’t know’. It opens doors for information, invites knowledge and help. What did the man need or want? How would one know without asking? He might want nurturing, he might want relief, he might want company, and of course, he might want healing. But, without asking, assumption is in charge and the door to information is closed.”

Jane, without realizing it, opened the door to healing by proclaiming, in her pain, in her desire to heal, that she didn’t know how she would like to be witnessed. “I don’t know.”

Try this for a prayer:

Dear Father/Mother/God/Goddess/Creator/Source of All That Is,

Please help me with something. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know what I want help with, but please help me. I may not recognize the help, not knowing where it will show up and understanding the vast opportunities You have to sneak help in, so I will state now, for the record, that I am grateful.

Thank you and Amen.

This prayer may feel a little “jest-ish”, and maybe it is. If it makes you laugh, think of how open your heart is with that laughter. If it seems disrespectful, rewrite to suit you. Praying is an open game with no rules; but you can’t win if you don’t play… and in the game of spirituality, funded by prayer, everyone’s a winner.

Gratefully in service,

Holly


PS: I was nearly last in the name and word exercise. My word, after Jane’s healing, and everyone’s opening was… awesomeness. I am so grateful for the experience with those amazing twenty-one women.

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