Recently, my friend Ashley, one of those admirable women that exudes grace and integrity without saying a word, introduced me to Leeann Heinbaugh. (Ashley is the pastor of North Highland Presbyterian Church. Do Christianity and New Age/psychic/healer-shaman-spiritual people get along? Yes!) When I met Leeann we stared at each other and smiled. My heart opened and I felt she was a kindred spirit, a soul sister. Ashley was right, we needed to meet.

LeeAnn has studied among Shamans in Guatemala, among other things. I trusted her immediately, feeling that she would be a wonderful healer, working with the highest Light. It wasn’t long after we met that I booked an appointment. For convenience, we met at Ashley’s church in a quiet healing room. LeeAnn arrived with a big smile and a huge bundle of artifacts. I was entranced with the wooden masks that she placed around the room. One spoke to me in such a way that I was sure I painted her a few years ago when I did a series of energy paintings in acrylic. It was as if she were an old friend, someone I knew. As LeeAnn unpacked her magical toys, I felt more and more comfortable. She prayed over candles and I called my guides as well. The room became very full and any resistance/fear/worry I had melted away. Sacred space was set.    

When I rested on the massage table, Leeann placed things all over my body. As the energy in the room shifted, I released my curiosity about the rituals, songs, candles and sacred objects. My mind drifted and I thought about what intentions I had for my session with Leeann. I asked for help clearing anything that gets in the way of my physical healing. Whatever I need, I want to know where to go for the highest outcome. Divine order; peace, ease and comfort.

Getting a healing session is odd for me; I usually work on the other side of the table. It’s sort of like turning off the radio (my inner broadcast), to listen to someone else’s station for a while. Meanwhile, there is my inner critic advertising stuff I don’t want. I have to go deep to shut her up so that I can surrender, how can I heal if I don’t surrender? I can reason with her, but she is very smart, and quite convincing. What if something gets opened up and lets entities in? What if there isn’t sacred space? Or pure Christ Consciousness Light? What if time goes over and I don’t have enough money? What if traffic is piling up and my drive home is twice as long? What if I can’t be still, have to go to the bathroom, get thirsty, forget something? She is relentless. Thank goodness I know her and I don’t bank on her opinions or fears.

The healing was wonderful. I released many things, including an entity. Often, when I am worked on by healers I check out. It’s sort of like sleep, and I can nod off from time to time but when the healing is done I snap back. I see people do this in meditation class and when I asked my guides they explained that they move us aside. They said, if it were sleep we wouldn’t come back at the end. So even though I would love to ask questions and listen to how I clear and what I clear, I am gone. Out like a light. Therefore the hour or so I lay with LeeAnn’s special things placed around me and on me goes by in a flash. Afterward I heard about the entity, and I despise that type of news. Even though I help people release entities during sessions, even though everyone gets them and I don’t judge others for getting into messy ethereal situations, I despise having negative entities.

But man-oh-man did I feel better! Not go to a water park better, but I want to sleep in this energy for two hours better. I drove home thinking about going to bed early and then sleeping late the next morning, which is now. I woke at 5:30… which is okay because I like to meditate with a five on the clock. As I prepared to meditate, I was led to read something, which led to writing this.  Here is what I found in my notes from June 3, 2014 (it’s edited slightly):

As my healers work, they show me a scenario. I see myself taking things from a client while I do a session—dark things. Then I look to see who will transmute them. Gaia? No. Creator? No. I don’t know what to do so I sit with the dark things and they stay with me. What can I do? Not take these things?

John (my healer) stops working and looks at me straight on, into my eyes. “You won’t stop. Just know that. I have been human and I know what you are feeling. Your compassion is stronger than the practical part of your brain. Your lightwork and dedication to Light is stronger than your worry about space within. Know that you will always work ahead of your capacity. It’s your nature. It would help you greatly to remember that we are here to help you with that tendency. Your capacity for healing and clearing is here (he makes an open motion with his hands). Not there (he points to my body).”

I nod. My love for John just doubled.

It takes me a little bit of time to digest the big picture here. I berated myself for having an attachment, instead of congratulating myself for getting a healing. I felt bad for having an entity, instead of knowing that I work with my ethereal capacity, instead of my physical capacity.

Just when I thought my inner critic was quiet, I realized she was eating popcorn while watching the movie of my life. She waits, quietly, until her critical opinion can wedge into my thinking without my notice. She’s crafty. Oh how I love her, I have to—she’s the mirror image of me. Hating her will only make her more powerful. I have to love how she shows me where I dwell on lack. It makes it easier to find those thoughts. So instead of wanting to squelch her with a flyswatter, I imagine bringing her into the fold. I invite her to let me know what is out of balance. I give her the job of reminding me to get a healing, to take care of myself. From now on she is in charge of telling me there’s an entity.

The moral of the story: love yourself. It’s the moral of every story. Thank you and Amen.

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